Saturday, October 1, 2011

Jealousy - Why do we get jealous?

Jealousy is an ugly yellow monster with hands trying to grab onto whatever they can find. I say yellow, not green, for the way I see it, green is a color of life; look at the trees, the green grass. Yellow is the color of faded leaves, dying leaves, and so not so alive anymore, like jealousy in love.

Falling in love with someone you like may be easy, once you've opened up and let down your walls. But love doesn't stop there. Sadly, most of us fall victim to jealousy, for our own insecurities blind us from seeing the reason the person chose to be with us in the first place.

There are 2 kinds of Jealousy.
Jealousy based on plausible grounds and evidence, and random jealousy.
Our senses play a strong role in directing our emotions. What we hear, see and smell can be interpreted in many ways, but some things remain as pure facts. In these circumstances, when facts are present, jealousy is rightfully in its place. The signs and manifestations that drive jealousy could be many, but here are a few.
  • You are being ignored for no reason.
  • You are no longer being given the attention you got before.
  • Your partner is always busy on his phone or PC.
  • You are not being desired as often anymore.
  • Your partner purposely flirts with others in front of you.
  • You are being manipulated by a third party called Envy.
But what if these dreadful red signs are not present to raise jealousy's awareness to an extreme level?
Most of us need to be reminded we are loved, wanted, desired, and are beautiful or charming. Your partner has the strongest effect in reminding you, because of the feelings you hold for him/her.
But the more insecure we are, the more proof we seek, sabotaging in the process what could be a healthy relationship.
So why do we get jealous, when we already have the person we love right before us?
Factor #1: We define being with someone as a possession, like owning a car. My car, My woman, we say.
It goes beyond protecting to isolating that which we hold.

Other factors that may come into play to ignite our jealousy include:
  • When we fear the person will betray us, we are constantly on the lookout.
  • When we feel we do not deserve to be loved, we are scared the person we are with will realize it too.
  • When we have betrayed everyone else in our past, we fear our turn might have come.
  • When we do not trust the person enough, we are constantly on the edge.
  • When we are changing to please our partner, we are rarely ourselves and so are always in fear.
  • When we have never been loved, nor believe in love, we are skeptical in our position.
  • When we second guess ourselves and our abilities and compare them to others, we become insecure thinking our partner may leave us for someone better.
  • When we are not comfortable in our skin, we are not confident enough to be with ourselves, let alone someone else.
  • When we become too selfish in fear of losing the union we have with someone, of having it shift and change, we also become insecure and fearful.

The list goes on. 
Jealousy is a mental issue, I believe, that is related to the way we see ourselves, others, and the way we view love.
Our self confidence sways at times, and as human beings, we need reassurance in words or deeds. But no matter our self esteem, there are always other factors to consider when thinking of jealousy; our experiences, our views, our beliefs, our fears, doubts and so on.
And when being driven by emotions such as fear, doubt and guilt, jealousy may develop into a very ugly monster indeed that will consume love, the other person and ourselves.

That is not to say we should rest on our laurels, for to take a person for granted is not only to refrain oneself from feeling jealousy, but is also to stop looking at the person with eyes of discovery, thus refraining love from growing.
And whoever is not at all jealous, either thinks himself a god or is incapable of closeness.

In short, jealousy is not a sole traveler, it often has companions. Emotions are all entangled, it is up to us to direct our focus on one set or another.

Now, I ask, why do you think you may get jealous? What drives your jealousy?


  1. Love the color analogy,I don't know what would bring on jealousy now but in my younger years(read Mega Ego phase)Flirting with the 'Enemy' (any male of the species)containing undertones of seriousness.
    "Lose your Love when you say the word Mine" (Neil Young,Love is a Rose)

  2. I like the Flirting with the Enemy statement... a sure way to get you jealous. It backfires sometimes with much dramatic scenes. But, thank you for your comment fenced-in.


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